Understanding the Healing Power of Allowing yourself to Receive.

As we prepare to celebrate the most wonderful time of the year, it’s also a season when our deepest wounds—especially those tied to family, parents, and loved ones—can surface in unexpected ways. In a society that often glorifies the act of giving, the practice of receiving is frequently overlooked or even dismissed as selfish or self-indulgent. Yet, this imbalance between giving and receiving lies at the heart of many of our life’s challenges, affecting our sense of self-care, self-love, and emotional well-being.

Being able to receive freely is an essential part of our existence. Yet, many people I encounter are constantly seeking more—more love, more money, more recognition for who they are and what they do. Often, what they long for is already present in their lives, but they’ve built invisible walls that prevent them from seeing it. They are so focused on what’s missing that they overlook what’s abundantly available to them.

Learning to receive is a profound power, one that has been undervalued and often deprioritized. On the surface, it might seem simple—all we have to do is be open and present. But in reality, receiving can be far more complex. For many, it becomes one of the most challenging aspects of achieving the change they desire.

Interestingly, the first question people tend to ask is, “What can I do to learn how to receive?” Yet, this desire to do something to receive is the very obstacle preventing them from truly embracing it. The essence of receiving isn’t about action—it’s about stillness, openness, and allowing. To receive, you must let go of the urge to act or earn and instead learn to simply be.

Reclaiming Balance Through Feminine Energy.

When we speak of the act of receiving, we must also explore the energy that allows us to receive. This energy is often referred to as Feminine Energy or Moon Energy. It’s important to clarify that this has nothing to do with being a cis-woman or identifying as a woman. Instead, we must embrace a gender-neutral understanding: energy is simply energy. At times, it takes on the qualities of receiving—qualities historically associated with the feminine due to the gendered framework of society.

In the 13th Octave LaHoChi certification course, we delve into this Feminine Energy, referring to it as the Blue-Diamond Flame of the Universal Mother. This energy embodies compassion, love, and support, and plays a crucial role in helping clients receive the profound gift of love. It is also an energy of self-transformation, as learning to receive—whether it’s a compliment, a gift, or an act of kindness—enhances our self-confidence, strengthens our trust in ourselves, and aligns us with our authentic truth.

Feminine (or Moon) Energy is vital for maintaining balance and nurturing ourselves when needed. It provides a counterbalance to the overactive Masculine Energy that pushes us toward constant productivity and action, often leading to guilt when we rest or take time for ourselves. Embracing this energy allows us to combat those feelings of inadequacy and reminds us that nourishing ourselves is not only essential but also an act of self-love.

Back to The Root Of Receiving.

To understand the origins of our ability to receive, we can journey back to our earliest days as newborns. Receiving, in its purest form, begins with the act of being fed—whether through breastfeeding or another form of nourishment. This dynamic is instinctual: we experience the discomfort of hunger, express our need through crying, and then receive the nourishment essential to our survival. This first exchange lays the foundation for how we understand the act of receiving.

The role of the caregiver in this process is central to our learning. How they nourish us, how they feel about themselves while doing so, and the manner in which they provide care all contribute to shaping our beliefs about receiving. These early interactions are our first-ever experiences of receiving anything, and they leave an imprint on our psyche.

As we grow, these foundational experiences are reinforced—or challenged—by new interactions. The people responsible for our care, our educators, our friends, and even the larger societal environment all contribute to shaping our perception of receiving. Their actions, attitudes, and their own unhealed wounds influence how we continue to internalize this dynamic.

Now, pause and reflect: How do you feel when you receive something? Are you able to accept it with ease, or do you feel discomfort? Does receiving trigger thoughts about how others might perceive you? Do you find yourself exaggerating gratitude to overcompensate, or shutting down your true emotions? Perhaps you even feel guilt, especially when what you’ve received seems of greater value than what you believe you’ve offered in return.

These reactions can reveal deep insights into our relationship with receiving and the wounds we carry—often stemming from early interactions with caregivers. Perhaps we were made to feel undeserving, or that our behavior dictated the worth of what we would receive. Or maybe we internalized the belief that we were not worthy of receiving at all.

By exploring these questions and experiences, we can begin to uncover the layers of conditioning that shape our ability to receive, allowing us to heal and move toward a more balanced and joyful relationship with the gifts life has to offer.

The Wounds behind Receiving

• Self-Worth

When someone gives us something or does something kind for us, it often triggers wounds tied to our self-worth—usually in ways that feel uncomfortable or negative. For example, when someone offers a compliment or buys us a thoughtful gift for a birthday or holiday, we might instinctively respond with phrases like, “Oh, you shouldn’t have,” “I can’t accept this,” or “This is too much.” Why are these reflexive reactions so common, especially when the giver has already decided that you are worthy of the gift or gesture?

One explanation lies in the deep-seated beliefs we hold about our own worthiness. These beliefs are often shaped in childhood by caregivers who may have unintentionally tied worth to conditions. For instance, you might have heard, “I got it for you even if I were mad at you,” creating an association between receiving and guilt. Such experiences instill the idea that gifts, love, or praise must be "earned" rather than freely given.

This pattern doesn’t just arise in the home—it is reinforced by societal structures. The education system teaches us to equate worth with grades and performance, while financial systems like credit scores explicitly assign a numerical value to our "worthiness." These frameworks perpetuate the idea that we must constantly prove ourselves to be deserving of approval, rewards, or kindness.

Over time, this conditioning creates a resistance to receiving. We struggle to accept gestures of generosity, not because they lack value, but because we have been taught—consciously or unconsciously—that we are undeserving unless we have "earned" them. Recognizing and healing these wounds is a powerful step toward embracing the joy and abundance of receiving without guilt or self-doubt.

• Fear of Obligation

Receiving a gift can often trigger a sense of obligation. For instance, when someone gives a compliment, it’s common for the recipient to immediately respond with “you too” or offer a compliment in return, as though the original compliment carried an unspoken expectation. This reaction stems from a fear of obligation—the belief that receiving creates a debt. For individuals who associate receiving with future expectations, this fear can lead to a tendency to refuse gifts, compliments, or help in order to avoid feeling beholden.

To heal this wound, it’s essential to practice receiving without feeling obligated to reciprocate, at least in the sense of "paying off a debt." While this may initially feel deeply uncomfortable, it provides an opportunity to examine the dynamics around you and recognize those who may use generosity as a means of control or manipulation. Learning to receive with grace and without guilt allows you to establish healthier boundaries and strengthens your ability to discern authentic kindness from gestures with ulterior motives.

• Trauma Around Love or Relationships

When a child grows up in an environment where love is conditional—tied to achievements, behavior, or meeting the expectations of others—they may internalize the belief that love must always be "earned." This creates unease when love, care, or gifts are offered freely, without any strings attached. Similarly, abusive or manipulative relationships—whether romantic, familial, or platonic—often frame receiving as something dangerous or burdensome. In such relationships, acts of giving may have been weaponized, used as tools for control, guilt, or power.

If vulnerability was criticized or exploited, it can instill a deep fear of appearing needy, weak, or dependent. Receiving then becomes equated with losing control or exposing oneself to harm. These experiences can leave individuals associating generosity or kindness with hidden agendas or future expectations.

Such relational traumas often lead to hyper-independence, where self-reliance becomes a protective mechanism. To maintain emotional safety, individuals may avoid receiving altogether. Gifts, compliments, or acts of care can feel like traps, sparking fears of being manipulated or obligated. By rejecting these gestures, they attempt to shield themselves from further pain, even at the cost of genuine connection and support.

• Overactive Masculine Energy

Masculine Energy, while essential for structure, drive, and achievement, can overpower the equally vital qualities of Feminine Energy when emphasized too heavily. Feminine Energy embodies receptivity, rest, and nurturing—qualities that are often undervalued in a society fueled by Masculine Energy. Our cultural narratives prioritize doing over resting, giving over receiving, and power over equality. Common phrases like “girl boss” or “no pain, no gain” reflect this imbalance, glorifying relentless effort and productivity while sidelining rest and self-care.

For many, this overemphasis begins in childhood. Environments that rewarded achievements, grades, athletic success, or responsibilities over emotional expression or relaxation often instill the belief that one’s value lies in "doing." If caregivers modeled constant activity and self-sacrifice, children may internalize this as the only acceptable way to live. This conditioning makes it difficult to receive without guilt, as rest or acceptance without reciprocation feels unearned or undeserved.

To restore balance, it’s essential to honor the interplay between Masculine and Feminine Energies, recognizing that both are necessary for a fulfilling and harmonious life. Embracing rest, receptivity, and self-nurturing is not a weakness—it is a profound act of self-love and healing.

Affirmation to Heal and balance Feminine and Masculine Energy

I wasn’t always a big believer in affirmations and mantras—I used to think they felt a little silly. After all, simply repeating a sentence isn’t going to magically solve all of our issues, right? But what I failed to realize was the power behind the words I was speaking.

Taking a moment to truly reflect on an affirmation or mantra you’ve chosen can create a profound shift. When you pause and let the words resonate deeply, considering how they align with your experiences and how they might feel true in your life, that’s when the magic happens. This act of mindful reflection becomes the catalyst for healing, helping you address the wounds and patterns that hold you back.

“I am the creator of my reality; my feminine energy is a force of creation.”

"I release the need to control and trust the divine flow of life."

"I open my heart to receive love, guidance, and blessings."

"It is safe for me to rest, nurture, and simply be."

"I deserve to be cherished for who I am, not just what I do."